As my group of friends and I have gotten older, I’ve noticed lately that many are sharing the same complaints: the flame in their marriage has been snuffed out. Before they got married, a couple of them bragged about the quantity and quality of their intimate moments with their future spouses. Now, many of them feel lucky if they become intimate with their wives or husbands more than once a month.
While not a pleasant subject to talk about, it is nonetheless incredibly important for couples to recognize the signs of declining intimacy in their relationships and what it could spell for their future. Caroline McNamee of McNamee Mediations notes that while a difference in sex drives is normal in a couple if advances are consistently rebuffed, the rejected party will soon start taking it personally. That means intimacy, in general, will suffer.
Outside of just hurt feelings stemming from the rejection, a more insidious trend will begin emerging as time goes on. As the rejections pile up, the party saying ‘no’ will begin controlling the relationship, which can have far-reaching consequences for the marriage.
This dynamic is likely to lead to a death spiral for the relationship, as the rejected partner shifts from understanding, to hurt, then anger and suspicion before finally culminating in contempt. This shifting attitude will emerge in behaviors that are unlikely to rejuvenate any lost feelings of romance or arousal, which means things will only get worse and worse.
Though the relationship has gotten completely out of whack, many couples in this position still love each other and would prefer to make things work rather than start looking for an escape route. The key to reversing the death of their marriage intimacy is a two-pronged approach: forgiveness and acceptance!
Forgiveness comes from the party that has been rejected – they must find it in their heart to forgive their spouse, even if the hurt runs deep and has been a long-running problem. For the other party, they must learn to accept their spouse’s advances, even if they aren’t really in the mood – once the process starts, they will likely find they are able to enjoy it, and it will dramatically improve their relationship.
For some couples, the problem is unfortunately not within their ability to correct and it would benefit all parties involved to end the relationship even if they still care for each other. In these circumstances, it’s recommended that you enlist the services of a divorce mediator rather than litigating your divorce.
Divorce litigators like McNamee Mediations work as a representative for both parties, guiding the pair through the asset allocation process and creating a divorce settlement that works for them. This cooperative separation is much more likely to lead to an amicable post-divorce relationship, making sharing custody of children easier and giving you a far softer landing in a post-marriage life.
If this sounds more appealing than a drawn-out, embittered legal battle, get in contact with McNamee Mediations:
+1 (949) 223-3836
4590 MacArthur Blvd Suite 500, Newport Beach, CA 92660